Actual News Headline

Teacher Fired for Buttocks Art Sues



A high school art teacher fired after officials learned he moonlighted by creating paintings using his bare buttocks and other body parts sued his former employers on Thursday.

Stephen Murmer was fired in January after Chesterfield County Public Schools officials saw a YouTube video of Murmer wearing a swim thong and a Groucho Marx mask, demonstrating how he applies paint to his backside, then presses it onto a canvas. read more

About Stephen Murmer the artist 

Elaborate prank leaves Oregon officers in custody of gnomes

found image


SPRINGFIELD, Ore. — A number of gnomes have taken sanctuary at the Springfield police station.

Somebody apparently collected 75 lawn ornaments from around town and then, on the night of Oct. 17, placed them meticulously on and around the lawn of one house.

Among the plastic and porcelain geese, deer and frogs are gnomes, such as a weather gnome outfitted with a rain gauge.

Police want to find the rightful owners.

"We need to get them out of here," Capt. Richard Harrison said. "Every time I leave my office they're sitting in my chair, working on my computer. I can't seem to get rid of the darn things."


Actual News Headline : Pet dog’s underwear fetish almost proves fatal

A PET dog's underwear fetish almost cost him his life when he swallowed his owner's G-string over the Easter long weekend.

Vets said that elastic on the size 10, lacy, black G-string became wrapped around the intestines of Baxter, a two-year-old cavalier king charles spaniel, The Northern Territory News reports.

Baxter's owner, who was too embarrassed to be named, said she rushed her tiny pooch to Darwin's University Avenue Veterinary Hospital at 9pm on Saturday after she became concerned when the ''usual pig when it comes to food'' was refusing to eat and started vomiting.

An X-ray revealed something was obstructing the 9.7kg spaniel's bowel – it turned out to be a pair of women's knickers.


Great news! They’re stealing our books!



FRANKFURT (Reuters) – The Frankfurt Book Fair has an indicator to help publishers gauge public interest in the new offerings presented at the annual exhibition — the unofficial "most stolen book" index.

Bild am Sonntag and Germany's ZDF television have come up with lists of titles most stolen from 15 leading German publishers' stands set up in the Frankfurt trade fair grounds.

"The most-stolen books are usually the most-sold later on," Claudia Hanssen of the Goldmann Verlag publishing house told Bild am Sonntag newspaper, which published a list of the 10 most stolen German-language books this year.

Continue reading

BREAKING news from CNN — “Experts: Malicious program targets Macs”

CNN are reporting, having exhausted coverage of anything else newsworthy in the world today, that:

Mac computers are known for their near-immunity to the viruses and other harmful programs that plague PCs. But that may be changing somewhat, according to computer security researchers. It seems that as sleek Mac computers become more popular, they're also more sought-after targets for the authors of harmful programs.

Mac users at large, however, should not be alarmed by the incident, experts said. The program infects only computers whose users downloaded pirated versions of the Mac software


Really? this is a lead story? Is Time Warner taking notes from Fox Media? C'mon guys.

Some suggestions:

Cleveland Police say truck full of cookies also contained $1,000,000 in Mexican pot.


One stop shopping:

Another big cache of drugs off the streets…this time in a legitimate shipment of Chips Ahoy cookies!

634 pounds of marijuana were seized early Friday morning on Cleveland’s west-side. It represents the second $1,000,000 seizure of marijuana in as many weeks.

This latest bust resulted from a three-month joint Cleveland Division of Police, BCI&I and Cuyahoga County Sheriff’s Office investigation.

Cleveland Police Commander Gary Gingell says the pot was in the sleeper cab of a tractor trailer rig carrying Chips Ahoy cookies.

Gingell reports that the shipment originated in Mexico and was transported to Cleveland through McCallen, Texas.

Police are planning to take ownership of the big rig under drug laws. The driver and two others are in custody. The three Hispanic males have addresses in southern Texas.

Mayor Frank Jackson is praising the undercover work of his officers, and claims breaking the grip of organized crime is a top quality of life issue in Cleveland.

A few weeks ago, pot was nabbed in a shipment of frozen broccoli.

Arrested and facing aggravated drug trafficking charges are 34-year-old David Ponce and 33-year-old Abel Avalos, both of Edinburg, TX, and 40-year-old Ramon Luna of McCallen, TX.

Each is confined in Cleveland city jail awaiting formal charges.


Italy seizes $135B of US bonds from two Japanese nationals


From International Business Times:

Two Japanese citizens carrying $134 billion worth of U.S. bonds were detained last week by Italy’s financial police at Chiasso (40km from Milan) on the border between Italy and Switzerland, an Italian daily said Wednesday.

According to the report, they include 249 U.S. Treasury bonds each worth $500 million, plus 10 Kennedy bonds and other U.S. government securities worth a billion dollar each.

In order to stop money laundering Italian law sets a ceiling of €10,000 per person for importing or exporting money without declaring it. The penalty for violating the law is 40 per cent of the money seized.

If the certificates were real, the fine alone would amount to US$ 38 billion, five times the estimated cost of rebuilding quake-devastated Abruzzi region. It would help Italy’s eliminate its public deficit.

Actual news headline : Sperm donor reforms ‘long time coming’

THE NSW Government has been accused of sitting on its hands over law reforms surrounding sperm donorship.


Hoax nuke blast seen on TV weather


PRAGUE, Czech Republic (AP) — Members of a Czech art group who hacked into television broadcasting with images of a hoax nuclear explosion were charged and will have to stand trial, a state prosecutor said Thursday.

The six members of the Prague-based Ztohoven group were charged last month with spreading false information and face up to three years in jail if convicted, said Dusan Ondracek, the state prosecutor in the northern town of Trutnov, who is in charge of the case.

On June 17, viewers of a Czech television channel watching a Web cam program monitoring weather in various Czech mountain resorts could see a nuclear explosion taking place in the Krkonose or Giant Mountains in the northern Czech Republic.

Link to article

Link to YouTube clip 

The mystery of how an animal has survived for 80 million years without sex has been solved by UK scientists

There could be some benefit to millions of years without sex after all
—Dr Alan Tunnacliffe, University of Cambridge

Clip from article:

A Cambridge team says the creature owes its existence to a genetic quirk that offers some recompense for its prolonged celibacy.

Many asexual organisms have died out because they cannot adapt to changes in the natural world.

But an evolutionary trick allows this pond-dweller to survive when conditions change, researchers report in Science.

The animal is a tiny invertebrate known as a bdelloid rotifer. It lives in freshwater pools. If deprived of water, it survives in a desiccated state until water becomes available again.  continue reading

Texas cops mistake actual weed for marijuana, spend hours doing yard work

From The Raw Story:

Like the old song goes, one of these things is not like the other…
However, remind a police officer in Corpus Christi, Texas of those famed Cookie Monster lyrics and they’re likely to give you an annoyed look.That’s because a recently discovered cache of plants, initially pegged by officials speaking to local news as “one of the largest marijuana plant seizures in the police department’s history,” turned out to be a relatively common prairie flower of little significance.Texas officers ultimately spent hours laboring to tag and remove up to 400 plants from a city park, discovering only after a battery of tests that they had been sweating over mere Horse Mint, a member of the mint family — effectively turning their ambitious drug bust into mere yard work.The plants, which bear very few aesthetic similarities to cannabis, were reported by an unnamed youth who came across them while riding a bike in the park around 8 p.m. on Thursday. Upon visual inspection, police apparently agreed that the inoffensive plants had to go. Continue reading…

Russian fans told to ‘drink whisky’ when in Wales… What could possibly go wrong???

photo credit

Russian fans told to ‘drink whisky’ when in Wales for World Cup qualifer.

From article:

Russian soccer fans have been told to drink whisky on their trip to Wales for next month’s World Cup qualifier to ward off the H1N1 swine flu virus, the head of the country’s supporter association (VOB) said today.

We urge our fans to drink a lot of Welsh whisky as a form of disinfection,” VOB head Alexander Shprygin told Reuters.

“That should cure all symptoms of the disease.”

Russia’s Health Ministry has issued a public warning against travelling to Britain because of the spread of the H1N1 virus but Shprygin said he expected at least several hundred fans would go to Wales for the Sept. 9 qualifier in Cardiff.

“Health officials say this virus is very dangerous but being a fan myself I can tell you that for a real fan nothing is more important than the well-being of the team,” said Shprygin, who also sits on the executive board of the Russian FA.

via Russia fans told to ‘drink whisky’ when in Wales – News & Comment, Football – The Independent.

Actual news headline — Guilty barmaid crushed cans with breasts

From article:

A BARMAID has been fined for crushing beer cans between her bare breasts while an off-duty colleague has been fined for hanging spoons from her friend's nipples, Westrern Australia police said today.

Police said the 31-year old barmaid pleaded guilty in the local magistrate's court to twice exposing her breasts to patrons at the Premier Hotel in Pinjarra, south of Perth.

The woman "is alleged to have also crushed beer cans between her breasts during one of the offences", in breach of hotel licensing laws, police from the Peel district of Western Australia said.

The barmaid and the hotel manager were both fined $1000, while an off-duty barmaid was fined $500 for helping to hang spoons from the woman's nipples, police said.

"It sends a clear message to all licensees in Peel that we will not tolerate this type of behaviour in our licensed premises," local police superintendent David Parkinson said.

Actual news headline : Mr. Potato Head in Australia ecstasy bust



SYDNEY — Customs officals in Australia said Thursday that they had discovered a large amount of ecstasy inside a Mr. Potato Head children's toy mailed to Sydney from Ireland.

Customs said the toy was intercepted in a parcel at Sydney's international mail centre after an alert official suspected there may be something sinister behind Mr. Potato Head's toothy grin.

"Upon opening the parcel, Customs officers were greeted with the smiling face of Mr. Potato Head," Customs said in a statement.

"When a panel from Mr. Potato Head's back was removed, a quantity of MDMA (ecstasy) tablets was found in a small taped bag concealed in the cavity space."

The tablets weighed an estimated 293 grams (10.3 ounces).

"Whilst this is one of the more unusual concealments that we have seen in recent times, people need to be aware that Customs officers are alert to unusual and often outlandish methods of concealment," Customs postal director Karen Williams said.

Police said no arrests had been made but the network responsible had been disrupted. 

Found here 

Biker’s penis hit by lightning

AN Croatian motorbike rider was knocked unconscious when lightning struck his penis during a roadside toilet break. reported Ante Djindjic, 29, escaped relatively unscathed from the incident, suffering only light burns to his chest and arms.

He said: "I don't remember what happened. One minute I was taking a leak and the next thing I knew I was in hospital.

"Doctors said the lightning went through my body and because I was wearing rubber boots it earthed itself through my penis." 

"Thankfully, the doctors said that there would be no lasting effects, and my penis will function normally eventually."

That's just as long as lightning doesn't stike in the same place twice.

Found here 

Man, 72, refused alcohol over age

Found photo


Supermarket staff refused to sell alcohol to a white-haired 72-year-old man – because he would not confirm he was over 21.

Check-out staff at Morrisons in West Kirby, Wirral, demanded Tony Ralls prove he was old enough to buy his two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon.

Mr Ralls asked to see the manager who put the wine back on the shelf.

The grandfather-of-three said he had refused to confirm he was over 21 as it was a "stupid question."

Link to article 

Actual news headline : Woman at large with hubby’s severed penis

No sanuk here:

A THAI woman is at large with her husband's penis today after discovering the man's unfaithfulness.

Pornbun Sinthusin, 35, came home in Bangkok yesterday and found her 34-year-old husband Ploeng Plaekratoke in bed with another woman, said police Lieutenant Colonel Kornwat Hunpradit.

She later gave him several beers before cutting off his penis with "a sharp object,'' Lt-Col Kornwat said.

The husband was now in intensive care.

"We suspect she took both her weapon and her husband's penis because we cannot find the penis in their apartment. We even checked a toilet but she did not dump it there,'' Lt-Col Kornwat said.

Found here 

Actual news headline: Russian police arrest man for stealing a bridge

Russian police have detained a 45-year-old municipal worker for stealing a bridge.

The 5-metre span metal bridge disappeared from a river crossing in the Ryazan region, east of Moscow. Police said they tracked it down to the man, who had used his work truck to remove it and then chopped it up and sold it for scrap.

In a statement, Ryazan region police called it "the bulkiest theft of the year".

Found here 

Actual news headline : Kangaroo Injured In Low-Speed Chase Through Alps

photo: mummajinx

Skippi Eluded German Authorities For Almost A Month After Escaping Zoo

BERLIN Skippi, a wily kangaroo on the run since early August was returned to his home at a petting zoo Monday in southern Germany, but not after a chase through the German Alps that left the animal with a strained leg.

The injured marsupial was captured in a cornfield near Leutkirch im Allgaeu, almost 10 miles from where his journey began, police in the nearby town of Ravensburg said.

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