From http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

(615): Waitress cut us off at Chili’s bar. New low

(580): White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I’m healthy.

(706): Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday’s clothes and reeking of booze.

(703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend’s twin last night…and he didn’t stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that’s not the point.

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