(615): Waitress cut us off at Chili’s bar. New low
(580): White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I’m healthy.
(706): Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday’s clothes and reeking of booze.
(703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
(909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
(847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend’s twin last night…and he didn’t stop me.
(1-847): How was it?
(847): Fantastic, but that’s not the point.