Actual News Headline

July 26, 2017

One-armed ‘clown’ brandishing a machete arrested in Maine

April 26, 2017

Teacher Fired for Buttocks Art Sues

August 21, 2016

Great news! They’re stealing our books!

July 28, 2016

Police seize magic trick from preacher

January 22, 2016

Mexican mega-mushroom a savoury stunner

August 17, 2014

How an animal survived for 80 million years without sex has been solved by UK scientists

May 25, 2010

Texas cops mistake actual weeds for marijuana, spend hours doing yard work

June 6, 2009

Italy seizes $135B of US bonds from two Japanese nationals

April 14, 2009

Pet dog’s underwear fetish almost proves fatal

March 29, 2008

Cleveland Police say truck full of cookies also contained $1,000,000 in Mexican pot.

February 17, 2008

Man cited for singing rap song

November 1, 2007

Elaborate prank leaves Oregon officers in custody of gnomes

October 24, 2007

Actual news headline — Guilty barmaid crushed cans with breasts

September 25, 2007

Biker’s penis hit by lightning

September 19, 2007

Man, 72, refused alcohol over age

September 4, 2007

One arrested in snack attack; assault by Cheetos

September 1, 2007

Woman at large with hubby’s severed penis

August 31, 2007

Actual news headline: Russian police arrest man for stealing a bridge

August 27, 2007

Kangaroo Injured In Low-Speed Chase Through Alps