Des Moines Register:
The assault weapons listed on the Des Moines police report was a bag of Cheetos.
Patrick Hamman, 22, of 4904 S.W. 13th St., was arrested Sunday on a charge of domestic assault. Officers explained that the victim of the snack attack, Michael Hamman, lives with his adult son, Patrick and that they became involved in an argument Sunday night.
Patrick Hammon picked up a bag of Cheetos and threw it at his father, hitting him in the face, police said. It hit him in the glasses, causing a cut to the bridge of Michael Hamman’s nose.
The police report said: “Michael’s T-shirt was also covered in Cheeto dust.”
Patrick admitted being high on methamphetamine, police said. He was taken to the Polk County Jail without further incident.