From The Billboard Liberation Front…
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Intersection of Mission St.
and Cesear Chavez, NE corner
Dear Shareholders and Clients,
The Billboard Liberation Front has partnered with Wachovia to release a daring advertising campaign that celebrates Wachovia’s new money management strategy. This campaign emphasizes the silver lining in the economic storm front now threatening to swamp our economy as well as our individual fiscal inner tubes.
“The calamitous decline in the value of all investments and the impending total collapse of the dollar will render the true value of the average savings account or investment portfolio roughly equal to a bucket of warm piss," noted Thomas J. Wurtz, CFO of Wachovia. Dr. John Silvia, Managing Director and Chief Economist noted: “After that golden shower we got from Golden West, we decided to fight fire with fire and start bailing for our clients and stockholders, mixed metaphors notwithstanding.”
This dramatic revaluation of your money has created the opportunity for our team at Wachovia to offer a unique service to our stockholders and clients. “With what promises to be the coldest winter in years now commencing, we’ve instructed our staff in all 21 States that we have offices in to start bundling greenbacks into tight rolls, perfect for small stoves and furnaces,” said Robert K. Steel CEO and President. “We believe this is the soundest application of our clients’ money.”